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Nadia became suspicious when I pulled the inflatable "aerobed" out of the storage space and began moving furniture. She sighed deeply and said, "Oye, I am so NOT in the mood for Greta Garbo this weekend." I said, "Listen, bitch, (and I say that with great love, and absolute linguistic correctness,") I have two words for you....... ....TEDDY BEAR."
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Toot swooned at the mere mention of his name. I heard an "Hacht Peeew" as she expressed her breakfast across the room, like a ninety year old yiddish yenta spitting out rancid pork. Toot remembers Teddy Bear alright. And, now her Auntie Audra Eckes was coming to visit, along with her Eskie pack, Blackie, Molly and Teddy Bear. Audra is our New York Rescue Maven, and Teddy Bear is her resident nutjob rescue that nobody in their right mind would adopt. He has been promoted from nutjob rescue, to permanent pain-in-the-ass. Blackie (top), Teddy Bear and Molly (bottom) |
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We first met Teddy Bear on a rescue run to Connecticut over a year ago. I was still living in Manhattan, and Ann Harris and I were doing rescue the "old fashioned way"..... on public transportation. Audra was new to rescue, and since she had a car, we reeled her in like a prize marlin. On this particular run, we had most of our own dogs with us....The Angels From God, Perry Winkle, and Audra's Blackie and Molly. Six to start, on a run to pick up one more. We didn't plan to take as many as we did, but, then, our plans are notorious for their snafus. We wound up with nine dogs in a leased Grand Am. I remember begging the Angels From God to pull some strings and transform that car into an SUV. Nadia asked me if I thought I was "Cinderella," because, "playing fairy godmother was NOT in her job description." Honestly.....the smart mouth on that dog. |
On the way to pickup "one dog", the ride was relatively calm--only five Eskies in the Grand Am. |
| For the trip back to Manhattan, I let Ann work out the seating arrangement; and mercifully, she opted for the front seat. Actually, see, I had ridden in the front seat with Audra and Blackie before. Blackie is a bit chunky.... thirty-eight pounds of Eskie under the illusion that he is a lap dog. I have at least one varicose vein as a souvenier of the supressed blood flow to my thigh on the last Blackie run. Ann is a more silent sufferer. Soon, she had Blackie, and of course, Molly (who can't be away from Blackie,) and, naturally, Perry Winkle (who can't be away from Ann)...totalling about seventy-five pounds of prime Eskiness on her lap. |
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| And so, I was lounging in the back seat with the AFGs, a sixty pound Kody, lodged on the floor, and two of the most rambunctious puppies we have ever had in rescue.....Frosty and Teddy Bear. Both these pups, despite their obvious good looks and desirable age, had been returned to us multiple times for being ..... well, I believe that the term "crazy" was used a time or two. This was Audra's "trial by fire" foster experience. If it didn't kill her....she was in. |
Frosty now has a home in the Poconos. |
| As the drive progressed, I was dozing, only awakened by Audra's earsplitting and colorful phraseology directed at interloping truckers on Route 95. The road rage must have been contagious because, soon, Mt. Vesuvius errupted in the back seat. Frosty and Teddy Bear began a series of mutual lunges with "intent to maim" across my lap. Toot and Nadia added their four cents; and, of course, as the elder statesman, Nikita never knows when to shut up. A five-way dog fight. Nadia detests puppies, and at one point, made a break for the front seat. She landed squarely on top of Blackie and Perry Winkle....who were on top of Molly. Ann kept vigilant checks on Molly's pulse to make sure she was still breathing. I remember thinking that we should dump them all by the side of the road and keep Kody who was snoring through it all. |
Blackie helps Audra drive... |
Toot erupts... |
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| It was a few months later, after Frosty was adopted, that Audra had an appropriate victim in mind for Teddy Bear. She was looking for savvy, experienced Eskie people, who appreciate the not-so-subtle nuances of the Eskie personality. After months of good progress, Teddy Bear was as ready as he would ever be for a new home. Audra located the perfect couple in FLORIDA, and proceded to make arrangements to transport him. Well, nothing seemed to work out, so Audra "let's get things done" Eckes, opted to rent a car and chauffeur him to his new home herself. |
Audra begins training...Teddy doesn't notice. |
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This was truly Audra's "black kharma" period....she was behind schedule, and having a hard time renting a car, when she discovered that some clerical nebush had suspended her driver's license without her permission. And, to think that on our nine-dog rescue run, "Leadfoot" was cruising in the eighties.... in a state with zero tolerance for speeders. On the scale of "what ifs," the possible consequences of that would-be catastrophe are staggering. |
| After the suspension error was reversed, Audra drove four days to bring Teddy Bear to his new home. And, he thanked her by biting both adoptors. Audra was mortified. And, over a year later, Jimmy and Audra call him their "Baby Bear." |
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So, the Angels From God were much relieved when Audra phoned to say that Jimmy wanted the dogs to stay home this weekend, because he would miss them too much. Audra assured me that she would try to be entertaining on her own. As as she hung up, I heard her shriek, "Teddy Bear, stop peeing in the pansies!!!" Nadia was relieved that her pansies were spared. |
| ...read about Teddy Bear's narrow escape in Miami and his permanent home on Long Island... |
© 2001 Eskies Online/Denise Gareau
...and
poor Kody just wanted to sleep.