AFGC: Everyone's a Critic

Everyone's a Critic

Once the Angels From God get an idea into their heads, they are as relentless as dogs with bones. They wanted their own car. Apparently they were disenchanted with the sub-standard economy rental cars that I had been driving to Manhattan each weekend. I couldn't listen to their big mouths anymore, so I walked into the Volkswagen Dealership in Quincy, Massachusetts, and said...."I need a car with leather seats." I don't know too much about cars, but I do know what Eskie hair looks like on car upholstery, so that particular design detail was not negotiable.

Two hours later I had purchased a 2001 Volkswagen Passat...with the luxury package, including leather seats. I tried to save a few bucks by forgoing the automatic transmission, but after witnessing me test-driving the stick shift version, the salesman told me flatly that he would be commiting a crime against humanity if he sold me that car. He suggested that I back off on the leather seats and go for the cloth upholstery and automatic transmission..... if I were going to be economy-minded. I took off my leather coat, and showed him my black sweater.... We renegotiated the deal to include leather seats....

So now I have a luxury car. I have always wanted to do rescue in a luxury car. There is something so universally just about transporting dejected and unwanted animals in style.The Angels From God are thrilled--the car is black with snappy chrome detailing, and of course, black leather interior. And don't get Nikita started on that sunroof...although he is peeved that the car is equipped with child safety window locks so he can't air himself properly. And so, on the maiden voyage to New York, the Angels From God christened the car by spilling my coffee and my diet coke. Then Toot puked on the armrest. Luckily, her aim was off, and most of it dripped down my shoulder and not onto the car. I was very pleased with myself, as I noted that the car seats were hairless. Every other part of the car was covered.....tumbleweeds were floating in the air...but not one single hair on the seats.

I was blissfully driving along the Mass Pike, when I heard a muffled scratching sound. Nadia was digging in the leather bucket seat, like it was cheap. I said " Nad, can't you express your neurosis in some other way? Those are $500 leather seats." Well, I figure, why fight the little battles. I found myself at WallMart looking at faux leopard print seat covers. Somehow it seems like a crime to put $15 seat covers on $500 leather seats....but, then, they are leopard print.....so the look was not entirely uncool.

The jury is still out on the leopard seat covers, but on the way out of WallMart, I snagged a Guns 'N Roses CD, "Appetite for Destruction." It just seemed like the kind of music that should be blaring out of this black on black car. The Angels From God missed my "Guns 'N Roses" phase...they have been raised on Jazz. So when Guns 'N Roses exploded from the stereo.....Nadia and Toot made a beeline for the backseat to get as far away from Axl Rose as possible...only to be confounded by quadraphonic sound. The shock on their little faces reminded me of the last time that my cooking set off the smoke alarm.

I couldn't tell if they were objecting to the music alone or to the fact that I know all the words to "Paradise City." I could feel their indignant stares boring a hole into my head. Yet I confess.... I left the CD on for 3 tracks just to irk them. Eventually, I switched to Miles Davis. Toot and Nadia returned to the front seat...and in under a minute, I heard snoring. Who can sleep to Miles Davis???? Sometimes, I cannot believe these dogs belong to me.